My car, and the car that my lover had given me to drive, were both missing, but as I pressed the unlock button on my key fob, a car in a car repair garage responded. I talked to a young man and a young woman about my problems, and they admitted they had stolen both cars but they couldn't give either back without the permission of their big brother (a drug dealer as well as a stolen car dealer.) They wished me luck but expressed doubt that their brother would give my car back. There were booby traps on the way to his office, including a floor that opened up and shredded the group of people who fell in, but I survived and made my way to the inner office.
The boss brother regarded me soberly as I explained to him why he had to give my car back. I didn't say aloud to him but thought to myself that he could keep the nicer, faster black car my lover wanted me to drive; I just wanted my gold Saturn back! To the surprise of his siblings, the boss gave back my car, and I woke up triumphant, but before I could find my son.
This dream happened four days ago and I still remember it vividly and in great detail. I woke up desperate to find my son, and thankfully he was right there, sleeping peacefully in my arms. But the dream still bothered me. It seems silly, but the detail that bothered me most was the gold Saturn. Why was it a Saturn? I have a gold Kia.
As I walked my dog that morning, I analyzed my dream, asking myself where each element came from and what they represented in the symbolic language my subconscious was using to communicate with me.
To put this dream in context, first you need to know that for the last few weeks I have been casually resolved to healing my feelings about men and my relationships with them. Up to this point in my life, I have never had a healthy relationship. I wasn't healthy, so how could my relationships be healthy? I had a pattern starting with my biological and adoptive fathers and continuing with every lover up to the sperm donors of my two sons, of feeling like I gave my all for nothing.
In the last few weeks, I have been using affirmations, ThetaHealing, meditation, and conscious belief-restructuring to help me shift the way I think about men and relationships, and to get myself healthier so that whenever I do feel ready to try again, the whole experience will be different and better.
This dream answered a question, or rather a fear, that I had not yet consciously addressed. The reason my relationships to this point had always been unhealthy is because I was co-dependent. I gave my personal power to each lover along with control over my finances, my time, my self-esteem, and my plans for my future. As a co-dependent person, each relationship swallowed me whole. When each relationship ended, I floundered, not knowing who I was or what I was supposed to do without a relationship to anchor to. My unasked question was: am I healthy enough to keep my identity and personal power in a relationship?
The lover in this dream was well-off financially and expressed very little interest in my life along with very poor understanding of my needs - just like my Dad...and the ex who left me and my son homeless a few years ago. That ex, a month before leaving us homeless, convinced me to give my green Saturn back to the bank and to just use his car, with the understanding that we were about to move to the other side of the country. He encouraged me to sell everything of value that I had to raise money toward this move, and when I had very little left, he changed his mind about wanting to marry me and wanting to spend any more time with me at all.
In real life, I couldn't get my car (or my credit!) back. However, in the dream, I could, and did, overcoming deadly traps and using the power of my truth to convince a criminal to undo his crime against me. The dream was telling me that I have taken my power back, that I will not allow anyone to limit my power, and that my son is too important to me for me to ever again settle for an unworthy lover.
Once I figured out the dream's meaning, I felt relieved and empowered. I love how empowering and healing dream interpretation can be. I've always been good at interpreting dreams, probably because I learned the tarot at a young age along with runes and astrology. I was also very good and figuring out symbolism and analogies in my language arts classes, probably for the same reason.
Language is symbolic by its very nature. Our subconscious speaks to us almost entirely through symbolism, which is why it can be so helpful to keep a record of our dreams and to reflect on them, especially the ones that stay with us.
I love helping my friends interpret their dreams, so if you have one you need help with, email me or leave me a comment here, and I'll do my best.